Habits Vs Triggers
A common contention between partners, colleauges, or peers is around the when and why to do things.
As I hit my last piece of underwear today, I realized that I am triggered by need, not by habit. I have a “do washing when I run out of clothes” my partner has “do washing on Sunday Evening”. This difference is a very useful insight to me since it explains a lot of the way that I think and I live. It also explains a lot of the tension that partners feel.
I don’t have too many things that I would consider habits. My partner on the other hand has habits, rituals, or simply consistent things that are done regularly. First up, coffee, then read for 15 minutes, then this, then that.
This makes a big difference when we consider how we interact with the world. I’m triggered to act by my surroundings, not really placing any structure over it. My partner forms structure within her surroundings.
This causes problems quite a bit when you have a routine that is interrupted, but hasn’t yet hit my point of necessity. That gap between the her routine and my eventual trigger has been a consistent source of frustration. “I was going to” is always said with clear intent, but unfortunately if my trigger point is after her frustration point, we’re not going to have a fun time.