Easy Rude Condascending Im Not Really Sure
Easy? Rude? Not Sure
Asked for help, “Can you take this plastic off so I can see if this belt fits?”. Sure, glad to help.
It was a plastic attachment, allowing the belt to hang for display.
The same sort of structured thoughts hit immediately, it’s retail, so easy to put on. It’s post-sale so it may not be easy to take off in a way that can be put on again. The intent would not be to put it on again, and to provide that little bit of back pressure on preventing return (I’ve damaged the container).
The plastic was a loop through the belt buckle, catch the prong, and lock by pushing a barb through a hole.
First the thought was to push the barb back through the hole. No points of leverage, probably won’t do it.
- Me: If I take this off, it won’t go back on.
- Her: Oh, I can’t try it on to see if it fits then.
I still want to help, solve the problem, finish the ask. It’s plastic, it has limited elasticity, so what about a bit of a push. Okay, so it’s not ridigly attached (it swings around the frame, restricted by the prong). If it swings, it may bring it out. Sure enough it swings around, but keeps the prong. Something that could come out during shipping, can non-destructively be used in the store to try on. A tiny bit of force and out it comes.
I hand the belt back to her. She says thanks, and walks away. I feel crap.
For her to come to me, she had obviously tried. She hadn’t worked it out, so came with an explicit ask. I try, and say it’s not possible quickly. The plastic’s not coming off. I second guess what she’s wanting to do (try it on), but don’t communicate it. With the “I can’t try it on” comment, it’s confirmation, in seconds it’s fixed.
Should I have suppressed the obvious and taken longer trying?, should I have simply done it and handed it back?
It was easy, there was depth to how it was constructed, how it was positioned, and why it was attached in the way it was. I do not expect anyone else to go through the considerations
- the elasticity of the material,
- the purpose to hold the belt securely,
- the secondary purpose (discourage) returns,
- the possibility/ease of getting the prong out to install vs the difficulty in removing the plastic altogether.
It’s me, it’s the way I think. It makes it easy and effortless, all logical and clear. But how does that feel to others? What other way can I do it?
The options I have are..
- Pretend to struggle, making it seem harder to me than it is
- Simply do it without concern, which is completely tone deaf to any difficulty that anyone else may have had.
- Explain my thinking (insights into what I see), which ends in either “I don’t really give a shit about why it’s there”, or “that’s nice, but I just asked the belt to be taken off”
To be honest the only empathetic option I can see is to pretend to struggle which completely comprises me. The alternates have negative connotations to the other. “You got it so easy, I feel like I’m dumb” or “Why are you explaining it to me like I’m dumb.”
To be clear, I’ve never, ever taken a belt holder off. It was an even starting point.