Asking For Help
I don’t ask for help, rarely, if ever.
Asking for physical help - I need an extra hand, rarely. I’ve injured myself more than once not asking for help when I should have.
Asking for help to understand something - pretty much never. Most things are clear, or can become clear.
Asking for help to get something done - rarely. I know I think different, and so it rarely ends up being a collaboration, more a discussion. I give up a lot of what I feel is important and critical, but never seem to land why it’s important. If I can’t land why it’s important, then it’s ultimately seen stubborn and hard nosed.
Asking for help by delegating to someone. I know the way I want to get it done, and so it’s going to be more effort asking, explaining, reworking, translating is almost too much work. It’s always part of bigger plan, and it always fits in hand-in-glove. If it’s not done with a particular output, the next part won’t work. If it’s not going to fit into the next part, I need to rework it. That rejects some of the work that has been done, which is disrespectful to the effort they put in.
This isn’t good, and it means I’m alone in what I do far more than I should be.
This frustration probably started around 5 years ago. I found that it felt there was an increasing gap between what I was trying to communicate, and how it was being understood. Since I’m the consistent actor in these situations, it’s highly likely that I’m part the main antagonist in this situation.
This has had negative impact on my professionally. Be it communication, asking for help, or even just delegating something I feel strongly about.
What to do?
How do I carry the burden of not being able to communicate the help that I want, and just let people help in their way? Am I comprimising on myself, to put a hand out? Am I perceived as being “too independent”, is that good or bad?
Right now, this blog is where I’m exploring what help I need
- communication - Not being understood is hard. Questioning if you have actually strung a coherent sentence together is painful, particularly when all information indicates that you are communicating clearly, but the message is
- psychological/emotional support - Intrusiveness of understanding is draining, passive learning never doesn’t stop. Most therapists (albiet sample space of 1 therapist and psychiatrist) isn’t much, but I don’t see much in literature that helps.
I’m trying to find help, but I need to be able to put my hand out more often and acept help when I can get it.