There Is No 100 Percent Right
There is no 100% right, ever.
Most things that “fit”, or “are right” are an 80% match. There are tradeoffs, challenges, issues. The art choosing the option with the best match, and making sure you don’t take something that is more wrong than right (aka < 50%).
When the context changes, be it how it’s used, what is needed, or how it fits into something else, the 80% can fall quickly to being sub-optimal.
The perception and lens that is used to judge the correct is completly individualized, and completely dependent on their viewpoint, motivations, and interest. If someone sees it being a great match, that’s their choice and their assessment. I have no right to declare otherwise. If I disagree with the assessment, then it means that I’ve got a different lens, viewpoint or perception. It does not mean that one of us is wrong.
So if there is disagreement, how do we close?
- Do we attempt to change viewpoint? That usually results in defensiveness and taking a firm position, locking heads.
- Do we push hard to understand their viewpoint? That usually comes across as forcing a defence, independent of the absolute intent to get the viewpoint.
- Do we declare our own viewpoint? That is a minefield in itself. The mines are opinion, hidden details, bigger pictures. Each one of those make it more challenging to get to a clear resolution.
For me, trying most of these usually results in an exasperated “okay, we’ll do it that way”. The void of understanding due to lack of communication is the hardest part. I’m left with my vision, my view unheard, I’m left with a self-constructed view of the other person’s viewpoint, which may or may not be real. In most times, trying to get to that common viewpoint ends in frustration “screw it, I’ll do it your way”.
It’s a compromise. I’m 100% fine with a discussed comprimise, I’ll change my view. But an uncommunicated comprimise is usually on my side. I don’t want the arguments, and I don’t want my way, I just want to understand.