Journalling And Processing Emotions
As part of the actions for this week from our counseler was for me to 1) reduce the amount of context I provide when I communicate to my wife. To help reduce the need to communicate the context, there was a suggestion to try journalling.
So here it is.
In the immediate aftermath of the first session, I felt defeated, blamed, and responsible for the nature of our relationship. It hurt, I was upset, and I wasn’t prepared for these feelings.
As part of shutting down the way I felt natural in communicating, I became very upset. After a couple of days, I do feel better. Before I felt better, I started capturing these details.
As I’ve been writing these down, I’ve realized I’ve got a hell of a lot of items to communicate. Communicating these within the relationship seems to hard, too complex, too much saying such with the duck mouth gesture (🤏 moving like a mouth) is hard to overcome.
When sharing that I’m upset about what was communicated and I’m processing it, while at the same time pleased that she will meet next week, but having it met with anger (stop being mopy, why are you bringing me down).
So maybe this will help me process things while we heal.
I do feel somewhat cheated that I have no one to share these thoughts with. I don’t have a partner who is willing, interested, or has the emotional availability to be able to listen, interpret and respond. I’m willing to share these with a therapist, or a counselor to get strong objective feedback. But what I’d really like to do is to share this with my partner. The person that ultimately means the most to me.
I’ll continue to communicate this way memorializing what is going through my head and my heart. Maybe one day the will both the opportunity and the interest to share these and with the one who is most important.
The last paragraph actually hurts the most.