Turning Off Turning On Context
As I’ve been asked to give more direct answers, and provide less pre-context (don’t lead in) or post-context (don’t justify an action or behavior), it becomes clear to me how much they are used both in general and how much my wife uses them too.
Ask a question? Get a partial answer and a whole pile of other detail that isn’t directly related to the answer.
While having the direction to be give direct answers, it’s clear that the extra context that is provided is important to the person saying it. Direct specific communication is abrupt, short and provides no connection or insight.
While it is very hard right now for me to be “off”, and feel guilt sharing what’s on my mind - I need to be comfortable to listen to what context she provides, since that gives me small insights into her world, her motiviations, her priorities and her thoughts. Understanding and interpreting the partner is a wonderful thing.
Losing that is a tragedy.
Hopefully one day, it will be even that my context, what I feel is important enough to say is going to be looked at through the same lens.
This entry really hurts, more than most of the others I’ve written. I guess it’s the emotional assymetry that we’ve had for a long time, and the want and need to share, being met with anger and frustration at sharing it.